Thursday, March 7, 2013


Yesterday in therapy, it became uncomfortably apparent that I have been living with a lot of shame. Which in turn has lead me to develop a un-authentic way of presenting myself to the world. Ouch!
I am very vulnerable right now. I was laid off from my job (as a residential landscape architect) two months ago. I have been in a holding pattern waiting to see what would happen, my self worth tanking. My blog is not great, because it has been my un-authentic persona. Presenting my fake amazing all capable self for display. I am amazing but not in that way. I am amazingly flawed, vulnerable and scared.
The key to getting away from living in shame is to be vulnerable and authentic. Sounds fun, right? So, i'm jumping into the deep end and working on authenticity.
I like creating things. I am a jack of all trades, I can pull off most things fairly well and easily. I'm not fabulous at any one thing. I find this frustrating. I jump all over the place, have too many projects and ideas all the time, not enough time and never really master anything. I'm trying to embrace this about myself.
I like teaching people. I'm trying to realize I can still teach people things without being a master at something. I'm going to try and incorporate this into a new career path for me.
I sew, I knit, I cook, I parent, I garden, I design, I grow, I nurture, I teach. I am an artist. I am a verbal processor, a virgo and very crunchy (in the hippie sense, homemade laundry soap anyone?!)
I would like to grow a creative community for myself. Teach and learn authentically.
Currently I am excited about food. I'm a pretty good home vegetarian cook. I am creating recipes for my friends Herbal CSA (check out moondance botanicals in denver, Tonja inspires me!) Fun and scary. I'm hoping to develop some recipes for the CSA I belong to. I am setting the intention of creating an online vegetarian cooking class for people who don't want to become vegetarians but would like to add vegetarian meals to their life. Something in the vein of Heather's classes at 'Beauty that moves' and she does create beauty, thank you Heather!
I stop knitting when the weather gets warm, not sure why, just happens naturally. So I finished this sweater (details later) for spring and started some socks, which will probably hold over to next fall.

I'm learning to make my own sewing patterns. I just checked out a book from the library on this. First one up, a skirt like this from the Tea catalog. I am also working on how to make an fabric origami pinwheel for t-shirts that you can put through a washing machine (Only machine washable clothes in this house, ahem) If I succeed in this, I want to make a tutorial on it.

My kids and I are making felt flowers. Inspired by this one a friend gave me (don't know who to credit for it's creation, it's amazing!) The first batch flew out the door as gifts of gratitude to friends. Must make more, everyone should have a felt flower while waiting for spring.

I'm cleaning the garden beds this week. Finding all sorts of bulbs and one small blooming crocus - YAY!

Planting peas this afternoon and planning a spring equinox party for the neighborhood kids. This will involve making very sweet bird nests for them to find, can't wait.
Last one, I told you I jumped around and I have a lot of time currently, I have inspiration for an embroidery pattern/kit. I've done a smidgen of embroidery, so I have lots of books from the library on that currently.
phew, that felt good to write. Happy to hear what you are working on, creatively, emotionally and spiritually if feel up for sharing.
gratitude and compassion
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